Cloud Girls by Lisa Harding

Author:Lisa Harding [Harding, Lisa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-04-25T00:00:00+00:00

22

Sammy

“They’re dissolvable.” Nurse-Madame is referring to the stitches. This woman doesn’t even know my name.

“I’ll wait to get the results of your swabs and then we’ll be good to go in a few days. Now, how can we tell there won’t be a nationwide search for you?”

I’m not sure there won’t, to be honest, with Luce at the fore, rallying the troops: we must save her from herself. I don’t tell nurse this. Ratchet, Hatchet . . . can’t remember the name of that psychotic one from Cuckoo’s Nest. I decide on Hatchet. What worries me, Billy . . . is how your mother is going to take it . . . I feel a hysterical pressure building, and I can’t help myself, I burst with laughter, rude with laughter, blowing out my nose, my arse, my pursed lips. You seem to forget, Miss Flinn, that this is an institute for the insane . . .

She stares coldly beyond my eyes, her gaze resting on the tip of my right ear, which burns. “Are you quite finished?”

“Yes, sorry, sorry,” I say, wiping my eyes. “Honestly, I’ve spent more nights away from that house than in it. Ma wouldn’t notice anything different.” Oops, first slip. Mam, Sammy, Mam.

She picks up a sheet of paper, looks down, scribbles some notes on it in silence. “I think it would be safer if we moved you on.”

Maybe this is it, maybe this is my chance to travel, go to exotic places, feel the sun on my face, lie under chandeliers. “Cool by me,” and I tell her I want to be operating in an exclusive place where the men wear suits, smell nice, and are stinking rich.

“Doesn’t everyone. But in your case, this may just be arranged.”

That’s ’cause my knees stop traffic. Pity I’m not a few inches taller or I could storm into one of those modeling agencies that I’ve read about, except I’d need to have parental consent. No consent needed for where I’m about to go, what I’m about to do. No height restrictions necessary. “Being flippant,” that counselor said, “is a way of deflecting from the real feelings . . . a coping mechanism.” I knew what she meant, even though I laughed straight into her face, spraying her with spittle.

“There are certain things I won’t do,” I say, trying to assert myself. “Not from behind, not on my knees . . .”

“We can give them the menu, tell them what is allowed, but there are hazards involved once you’re alone.”

I think back to sex education class with Sister Wendy: “Men are wild beasts when they’re aroused.” I choke on a laugh that is pushing back fear. That’s okay, I can manage them, find a way to tame the beast. I think of the guy from the bench and know I have a ways to go yet; I’ll have to develop strategies.

“Because of your age,” Hatchet goes on, “I’m sending you to a place that is more tightly controlled than others.

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